Lane Kiffin compliments wait staff on meal, pisses off S.E.C.
AP – Goodlettsville, TN
Recently hired Tennessee football coach/massive pariah Lane Kiffin sparked controversy yet again this week while lunching at a local meat-and-three eatery in central Tennessee, referring to his shrimp salad po-boy as “an excellent sandwich.”
“Who the hell is he to come marching in here with his toot-sweet, California superiorness (sic) acting like he knows the first thing about shrimp?!” fired off Chef’s Market waitress Atta Mae Hines – a Gainesville, FL native currently residing in Nashville – who served Kiffin and staff their meals. “Everyone knows that shrimp ain’t even fresh by the time they get to my café, and to get ‘em while they’re good, you need to actually spend some time on the southern coast! ‘I enjoyed it – thank you,’ my ass, motherfucker.”
“Sounds like somebody ought to bother picking up a cookbook before shooting off his ignorant trap in front of God and everyone,” added ESPN columnist and worldly philanthropist Pat Forde.
Equally despondent was Florida Athletic Director Jeremy Foley.
“Seriously……has this man even set foot near the Gulf Region? Perhaps he’d like to regale us with his own personal experiences in the shrimp boat industry. SEC bylaws exist to expressly prohibit this sort of sleazy posturing, and the appropriate action right now is for Coach Kiffin, his staff, his family, and all known associates to make a public apology.”
ESPN’s Ivan Maisel – born and raised in Mobile, Alabama – decried Kiffin’s comments as “dishonestly manipulative.”
“There’s hubris and then there’s chutzpah, and Lane Kiffin seems to think that the conference code of ethics doesn’t apply to him. In three months on the job, he’s offered scholarships to high school players in both South Carolina and Georgia, openly suggested to various recruits that U.T. was the best place for their future, and now he’s pontificating about seafood from some damnable, faux-ivory tower in the mid-south. Kickoff with Western Kentucky may be in September, but his tenure’s already 0-1,” explained Maisel.
Kiffin would later enrage fans and officials at the University of Mississippi by under-handedly telling the parents of Desoto, TX prospect Adrian White that Knoxville is a “terrific place to tailgate.”