See No Weasel, Hear No Weasel…
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but some weird shit is going on, and no one with a press pass seems to care. You see, this coach down in Gainesville bid us all an emotional farewell, and then sort of not so much, and now he’s currently rolling along full-time in his office, and for some reason, the story’s being handled like some kind of posted “No Fishing” zone.
In the event you haven’t followed it, here’s the Butt-Cut’s Slimeline:
On 12/5 he was bent over and rear-ended by Saban and the Tide in front of everyone, as his famed spread shows its effectiveness at playing catch-up. The next morning, a news ticker posts a blurb about his hospital treatment for “Dehydration.” Which, of course, never made an ounce of sense. At all. This was left alone.
On 12/26, he “Resigns,” citing health, family, and faith as the critical priorities in his life. The world was further informed that God told him it was the right thing to do, and that his 18-year-old daughter was apparently huggably thrilled to have her daddy back. Depending on you cheer for, you either choked back tears or your lunch. Or, if you were a Gator recruit, you re-opened your recruitment and began evaluating other options (you know, just in case you didn’t want to play for Uber-coach Steve Addazio).
12/27 – Shockingly, after reports and statements from Florida verbals hinted that his best class yet may fall apart faster than you can say “poach,” Meyer has a press conference and explains that after being inspired by his players at practice, he now wants to go on sabbatical, but not actually “resign.” In fact, he’s reportedly told the recruits that he’ll absolutely be back by August. And now, he’s calling prospects left and right, and today informed ESPN that he plans to still have a significant role in the meantime.
This whole fucking thing reeks like a pig carcass, and for the life of me, I can’t believe that the media has decided to sit on its hands and not question some glaring issues.
Did he not like their initial replacement candidate pool? Is it possible The Chinless One’s ego couldn’t handle being out of the limelight this bowl season, and subsequently decided to star in his own self-serving Soap Opera? Or did he see that the Gators’ 2010 Recruiting Class was about to scatter like post light-switch cockroaches, and decide to put up a temporary “sabbatical” façade until after Signing Day? Frankly, I’m not sure which is more nauseating.
If it’s “A,” I hope he plans to coach until his corpse is being wheeled up and down the sidelines by Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy (The Penn State Business Model). Because even the legends don’t get to choose their successor, whether they think they made the school or not.
If it’s “B,” I’d hardly be surprised: This is the same guy whose prized pupil has always enjoyed showing the world how inspiring he is whenever there’s a nearby camera to broadcast it. Perhaps he wanted to beat off to his knee-jerk tribute montage, as well.
If it’s “C,” I’m even less shocked, yet twice as grated. I doubt you’ve forgotten how Omar Hunter’s concerns over rumors of Greg Mattison’s departure for Baltimore were poo-poo’d by Meyer as false..right up until Hunter signed his L.O.I., at which point the Pants-Load promptly inked his Ravens’ contract.
Or how Jevan Snead – who had previously been told that he would be the only Quarterback recruited that season by Florida – spotted Meyer on t.v. at one of Tim Tebow’s games, but was informed that Tebow was a “linebacker prospect.” Or any of the other sleazy recruiting tactics reported over the last few years.
What I’m itching to know is, why has no one asked him to explain himself? And instead of swallowing his idiotic, non sequitur first responses and dropping it, actually waited for the facts to be addressed? Here’s a start…..
How about tell us why it took three weeks of post-hospital deliberation, complete with doctors’ opinions and family heart-to-hearts (not to mention an apparent consultation with The Almighty Himself), yet only one happy-ass postseason practice to “change his mind?” This doesn’t have a palpable stench to anyone else? Isn’t there a potentially sleazy ethical situation that needs to either be eliminated from consideration or explored further?
And before I’m given another sanctimonious lecture about his health and family being “personal,” “private,” or a “family matter,” let me remind you that this was news he created all on his own. The circus was his doing, and I’d like to see him answer the real questions that are still lingering, because you can be damned sure that if this were Charlie Weis or Lane Kiffin, John Slanders and Mike Lupica wouldn’t be able to find a crimson pen and a microphone quickly enough. Watch how quickly reporters have let him off the hook at these Press Conferences without following up on his one-line blurbs – it’s like they’re scared of this guy or something. If Jim Gray still had his late-90’s interviewing fastball, he’d have picked this apart like a buzzard weeks ago.
Instead, though, we’re apparently going to sit back and play dumb. Maybe it’s what God wants us to do.